i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
