I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
