Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
