Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
