my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Someone signed my nipple.
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