matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
