If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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