im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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