you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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