then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
