just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
