i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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