Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
