Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
