wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
