So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
