even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
