Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
