Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
