Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
