i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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