Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
