yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
