If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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