why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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