well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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