i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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