Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
