my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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