At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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