oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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