we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
