This girl is more easily done than said...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
