where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
