Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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