what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
