She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
