worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sext me about skeletons
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
