Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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