carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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