just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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