Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
