jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
