Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
