Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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