So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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