just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
pray to the hookup gods
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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