she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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