oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
