I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
