I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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