im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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